Tax Moneys, well spent

I have received a letter from Her Majesty's department of Work and Pensions, although I do no work and have no pension. I have no pension but I do now have a letter from the department of work and pensions. Came in a nice bright yellow envelope, different, at least, to the usual brown envelope with bold black text. The envelope asks, would I like them to help me find the job I want? No, I reply. It wasn't listening.

Opening, it revealed a leaflet of no discernible content-value and what seems to be a square of tin foil glued to card. Very shiny. It bears upon its face the following legend:

Confidence Mirror
(Use Before Interviews)

1) Repeat "I'm a Tiger" 5 times, then roar.
2) Practice your parting wink
3) Check your teeth for stray items of lunch.

I have several problems herewith.

1) If you look like me a mirror is the last thing you need to give you confidence.
2) That should be "five", not "5", illiterate sods.
3) Ah, unemployment is down to not winking enough. Should've worked that out sooner.
4) Again, with teeth like mine lunch is likely to be the best part of them.

So there.